The Persistence of...Creativity

The wedding weekend came like a lion and went like a lamb. Mostly because my last friend to depart from me will forever be etched into my memory with lambs, along with lilacs, but also because what began with hustle and bustle diminished into rain and exhaustion. It was a fabulous weekend all around - fabulous people, fabulous food, fabulous clothes, fabulous, fabulous, fabulous. I did have to sigh a great gust of relief when the immediate days before me became not so filled with lists and to-dos as relaxation and back to status quo, both suddenly too still and a relief to my overworked brain. There's a definite empty vibration left over in my apartment after enjoying the company and conversation of close friends, like ghosts that you wonder if you really saw and heard, or if was just a trick of the imagination, so fleeting.

Last night, my first night alone in a few days, I took a break from everything. Sprawled on the couch and directed my full attention to the tube, falling into sleep at some time I can't remember. Tonight I made a goal of spending quality time with my beads, who I've neglected for weeks. (Yes, I referred to my beads as "who", it's a deliberate mixing of pronouns.) I beaded my friend's wedding centerpieces, of course, but by wreath five or six I kind of mindlessly went after the task to get the job done. Not quality time, no love, no one-ness with the craft. Well, I fell asleep in the early evening, but am currently working on a pair of green earrings to pair with tomorrow's outfit to work. Stopped to make some honey chamomile tea in the process and tea has a knack for slowing down my mind and making it more gelatinous, which is more conducive for rambling.

Valentine's weekend is coming up, and I made my boyfriend swear that he would not spend money on me. Not having money at present myself, I can hardly expect him to spend it on me. He tells me that's not a problem, that he's already gotten my gift all ready, so I'm really looking forward to what he's come up with. I have an idea or two, but we'll just have to see. :D Still puzzling over what to do for him, but I'm pretty talented at last minute adventures, and I still have days until I'm pushing the last minute!

My Violent and Noble Work

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.
- Gustave Flaubert


Every noble work is at first impossible.
- Thomas Carlyle



Once again snow and ice have demanded rest and relaxation from the local population by closing schools and businesses, including mine. I love nature's power of command - deciding for us with seductive sunshine when it's time to abandon responsibility and play on the beach, or cook up a backyard barbecue. Or even threatening us with icy roads and bitter chills to stay indoors where it's warm and friends and family - who nature also chose for you - are inescapable. Unfortunately, at times, Mother Nature gets carried away or human technology is simply weak under her influence, and we lose heat and electricity to her icy grasp. Fortunately, that has not yet happened to me. I like to think that Nature has smiled upon me in my willingness to follow her command without argument. But maybe, as usual, I'm making up stories. ("I reject your reality and substitute my own!")

I've spent a good chunk of my free time these two days shuffling around my apartment, cleaning and repositioning furniture, preparing for next weekend's arrival of oldies-but-goodies friends. They haven't seen me in my element since early college or even high school, when I was still feeling out my personal style and identity with multiple stylistic mistakes, so it's important to me now that they perceive from my living space a style and identity I'm both worthy of and that is flattering. It needs to be clean, comfortable, and well-put-together. But being a recent college grad with limited opportunities and funds for collecting pieces that suit my identity, I'm a little worried about the modesty of my space. Their opinions, in this matter at least, are more important to me than anyone else I can think of, because of how supremely I've held their opinions since middle school. I've tried vainly and in vain to model after these friends in fashion, character, manner, and intellect. Only recently have I felt fully confident in MYSELF, and it's a struggle to feel all these old, suppressed knee-jerk insecurities wriggle back up to the surface. In all areas of my current life, people around me have met me at the start as confident, assertive, articulate, and congenial. Not one of those qualities did I claim as mine when I knew these friends who are due to arrive a week from today, but I want them to adopt and accept these qualities just the same. First impressions are difficult to change, more so for the giver than the receiver. And with that in mind, I should really relax.

Here are some projects I've mentally tabbed recently for occupying my free time.

1. First and foremost finish my bride-to-be friend's wedding centerpieces! Five down, five to go, and I'm running out of days!

2. Painting for bedroom wall art (shown). I recently found a large print at Kirkland's of a young woman sitting in a flowing pink gown at a vanity. Her position was facing away from the mirror, gazing to the side, and she seemed like she had slipped into a vulnerable moment of relaxation either before or after putting on the necessary poise and decorum her status commanded. Even her gown in all its femininity momentarily betrayed a no-longer-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman repose as it didn't quite hang on her body as it was meant to. I felt an immediate connection to this print, but even on sale it was out of my budget. So I resolved to draw inspiration from it in my creation.

3. Valentine glass glitter balls. Mom gave me a box of clear Christmas ornaments to decorate. I didn't get to all of them, so I thought they'd make a nice Valentine's Day decoration in several shades of pink, red, and purple, arranged in a bowl on the dining room table. Unfortunately, I broke two as I was hanging them to dry. There are few things worse than wasting glitter.

4. I have an old, ugly bookshelf that has held my books since I can remember. Now it holds my craft supplies and a box of tissue, but it's pretty unstable and wobbles back and forth easily. I want to attach a backing to give more support and paint over the dark brown varnish to dress it up a bit, as it's still useful and carries enough memories to make me unwilling to chuck it.

I just love a good wedding!

One of my oldest and dearest friends from childhood is getting married in February. She and and her fiance are planning a simply beautiful winter wedding set at a nearby vineyard. Chilled apple cider, wine and cheese, naturally, will be served, underscoring the couple's affinity for both simplicity and class. Both bride and groom are down-to-earth and love the outdoors, and wanted to incorporate this into the ceremony and reception. They have chosen a palette of cool winter blue and warm natural brown, highlighted by a soft, snowy white, setting the stage for a timelessly romantic and intimate fairytale wedding. The bride and groom will exchange vows beneath an arch dressed in white tulle and lit with brown wicker globes which will encompass small twinkle lights. Reception centerpieces are wicker wreaths ringing white candles set upon circular mirrors. Wanting to incorporate her signature cool blue, I suggested a bead design for the wreath centerpieces, which in the soft candlelight glow will add sparkle, color, and an icy crystalline aspect sure to complement the bride and groom's chosen winter wonderland theme.

I have used a wide selection of beads crafted from a variety of materials: Czech-fired glass, natural gemstone, and acrylic. The majority of blue beads are in the same hue family but in different shades and tints. Most are transparent to allow the candlelight to shine through. The surface of most of the blue beads have a highly polished finish to reflect any light and add that touch of sparkle, and are in the shape of a rectangular prism. I've added acrylic pearls in two sizes and colors, ivory and light brown, to give off a soft glow when reflecting light. My favorite, the labrodorite, are clear and multi-faceted. Labrodorite is a mineral that naturally reflects many colors, and the clear has an oily appearance so that on close inspection one sees pink, green, and blue very faintly beneath the surface. When I took this photo I forgot to remove a purple gift bag from the table just off camera, and the labrodorite picked up the color brilliantly. While I marveled at the make-up of the gemstone, the bride, seeing her centerpiece for the first time, balked at the foreign color I'd apparently added to her color scheme! I explained the mistake and, when she later inspected the centerpiece in person, was relieved. I really must remember to clear a wide space before photographing highly reflective beads in the future!

Also included in the bead design are blue bicone Swarovski crystals, round Czech-fired glass, Czech-fired clear rectangular prisms, and shiny brown seed beads.

"Just give me something pretty to look at."

My grandma had a very full life, only highlights of which will ever be known to me. I've pieced together a modest patchwork of snapshots from her life which shape my overall perception of the woman I feel in my bones and blood. I know she played softball as a young woman, contributed to WWII as a "Rosie Riveter," and was devoted to her children and grandchildren. I only knew her in the autumn of her life, when dementia began to take over her brain. Even then, she was very loving to me, and I'll cherish our private moments together, walking by the pond as I talked about my day at school or listening as she told me of her experiences and life lessons. I even carry with me the negative experiences from her life, taking her pain and arming myself for my own life. Around the time of her death, a time in which I learned more about her, I felt and saw a lot of her qualities reflected in me, and I began to consider humans not as unique individuals but more like seeds, which begin from the ground, grow, and flower to drop more seeds, which carry genetic and evolutionary information to be passed on to next offspring. I carry with me the heart of my grandmother, and I hope to carry on her memory and efforts so that her spirit will continue to touch and influence the people who pass through my own life. And all the while I will endeavor to enjoy every minute of the journey, and remember her simple philosophy: "Just give me something pretty to look at."