Spring Cleaning

A few loved ones who read my last blog post were disappointed in my negativity about dress shopping. It's not usually like me to be so dry and affected by trivial situations. I normally have a natural tendency to focus on the silver lining, especially at work, because I rarely have control over situations anyway, so I figure, what's the use in complaining? In my personal life, it's sometimes a bit harder to find the bright side, since I have more control, and a lot of my negativity will be a product of underlying shame and frustration. I don't like feeling as though I could have been better, or a situation could have gone a different way depending upon my decision-making. Those are the times I sulk. I almost never, ever feel down because of what outside circumstances or people do to me. I almost always, without fail, get irritated with myself. But people still see the frustration and naturally assume it's because of them. I've found myself in this predicament a lot - apologizing to people for making them feel like they were the problem, when they're not. It's me.

Truth be told, I'm ecstatic that I bought my wedding dress (holy cow!) and I love the one I found. I think I was down because underneath everything, there are insecurity-driven questions. Should I have gone to a smaller, higher-end boutique? Will people think my dress looks cheap? Will I wish I had bought another dress after today? Should I have waited until someone could be here with me? 


Just a suggestion. Make sure you have plenty of friends who live nearby. Because as people finish school, and move to take jobs, or get married and move, or get busy with babies, it's very easy to look around and find yourself very much alone. I'm not being fair though. I have Andy. He's my Best Friend. He is loyal, steadfast, giving, forgiving, and just plain always there. He gets my goofiness, he finds my imperfections actually endearing, and he overlooks my faults (like my self-involved hate-fests) every time they rear their ugly heads. He makes me feel like the most beautiful and precious little person walking this earth. Unfortunately, he can't be there when I'm doing fun wedding dress stuff. My maid of honor and bridesmaid are the two funniest, giving, and most joyful ladies I know - my cousins, sisters Amy and Anna. They have been so loving and warm to me for ages, making me feel like their third sister. They never fail to make me laugh, cheer me up, and never make me feel ashamed, belittled, or inferior. They are such shining examples of godly love.

Aren't they beautiful? 

I love them. 

Their one and only flaw is that they don't live in the state. So that makes wedding planning kind of lonely when you're doing something that would be so much more fun with your bridal party, and you can't because they're across the country. But the important thing is that they will be here for the wedding and we'll have all the sentimental and hilarious moments that are required for a wedding event. I especially can't wait for my more local friends to meet them, and perhaps have some questions answered as to why I act the way I do. Clearly it's genetic. Here's one more picture of us, the only one that I have of us altogether: 

Okay, I take that back. Amy is sitting on Grandma's lap, I'm about to lose my patience with cousin David over on the right, and Anna hasn't been born yet. Aunt Vicki is somewhere off camera trying not go into early labor from the stress of all these darn kids. 

The overall dress search was actually a lot of fun, especially my first venture out. My dad and Fran were with me...

 (Remember them? The cute couple?) 

...and we were visiting a small boutique. There was one other bride, and the store was clean, quiet, and calm. When it was time to put on a dress, I was left alone to change. When I was covered, the consultant came in to zip me up. I was given personal space and privacy. At the store where I bought my dress, it was not this way. The dressing room was the size of a small dog house, there were dresses and tiaras littering the floor (I actually picked up some things that I almost stepped on) and she came into the dressing room with me and stayed there. Typical for her maybe, awkward for me. Anyway, at the very first boutique, I stepped up onto the platform and basked in the moment completely. There was no basking at the larger chain store. There was way too much activity and noise, and I hardly felt "special". I was practically elbow-to-elbow with the other brides, and had almost zero mirror space to use. Why did I give these people my business? They had the dress I wanted and could afford. Suffice it to say, I have the dress now, and will not be returning until it's time to pick it up. 

Today Andy and I took advantage of the beautiful weather to get some major spring cleaning done. There was laundry, dishes and the usual etc. etc. But we took the time off from work and gorgeous weather energy burst as an opportunity to consolidate our wardrobes. Ever since we moved in together in August, we've struggled with how to store all our clothes. I've made several trips to Goodwill to dump some things we don't wear anymore, but still haven't been able to fit both his clothes and mine into one closet. This was our solution back in August: 

Nightmare. Can you believe we've been living like this since August?! I don't know how we've done it. The reason is because the closet looks like this: 

One short little bar only big enough my clothes. Andy's are ones on the rack in the bedroom, in front of the one window in the bedroom. So we went to the hardware store and did ourselves a little home improvement, an voila! 

Not great, but there's still room to qualify as a walk-in, and it's fairly organized. 

So much better. 

After that we started re-staining the old seventies coffee table in the living room. As much as I love before and after shots, I forgot to get my "before" before I had already started sanding. 

It's not done yet, so no "after" pictures available. But when it's all done, they will be up! I'm sitting here looking at the first coat of stain, and it already looks pretty good.