My Violent and Noble Work

Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.
- Gustave Flaubert


Every noble work is at first impossible.
- Thomas Carlyle



Once again snow and ice have demanded rest and relaxation from the local population by closing schools and businesses, including mine. I love nature's power of command - deciding for us with seductive sunshine when it's time to abandon responsibility and play on the beach, or cook up a backyard barbecue. Or even threatening us with icy roads and bitter chills to stay indoors where it's warm and friends and family - who nature also chose for you - are inescapable. Unfortunately, at times, Mother Nature gets carried away or human technology is simply weak under her influence, and we lose heat and electricity to her icy grasp. Fortunately, that has not yet happened to me. I like to think that Nature has smiled upon me in my willingness to follow her command without argument. But maybe, as usual, I'm making up stories. ("I reject your reality and substitute my own!")

I've spent a good chunk of my free time these two days shuffling around my apartment, cleaning and repositioning furniture, preparing for next weekend's arrival of oldies-but-goodies friends. They haven't seen me in my element since early college or even high school, when I was still feeling out my personal style and identity with multiple stylistic mistakes, so it's important to me now that they perceive from my living space a style and identity I'm both worthy of and that is flattering. It needs to be clean, comfortable, and well-put-together. But being a recent college grad with limited opportunities and funds for collecting pieces that suit my identity, I'm a little worried about the modesty of my space. Their opinions, in this matter at least, are more important to me than anyone else I can think of, because of how supremely I've held their opinions since middle school. I've tried vainly and in vain to model after these friends in fashion, character, manner, and intellect. Only recently have I felt fully confident in MYSELF, and it's a struggle to feel all these old, suppressed knee-jerk insecurities wriggle back up to the surface. In all areas of my current life, people around me have met me at the start as confident, assertive, articulate, and congenial. Not one of those qualities did I claim as mine when I knew these friends who are due to arrive a week from today, but I want them to adopt and accept these qualities just the same. First impressions are difficult to change, more so for the giver than the receiver. And with that in mind, I should really relax.

Here are some projects I've mentally tabbed recently for occupying my free time.

1. First and foremost finish my bride-to-be friend's wedding centerpieces! Five down, five to go, and I'm running out of days!

2. Painting for bedroom wall art (shown). I recently found a large print at Kirkland's of a young woman sitting in a flowing pink gown at a vanity. Her position was facing away from the mirror, gazing to the side, and she seemed like she had slipped into a vulnerable moment of relaxation either before or after putting on the necessary poise and decorum her status commanded. Even her gown in all its femininity momentarily betrayed a no-longer-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman repose as it didn't quite hang on her body as it was meant to. I felt an immediate connection to this print, but even on sale it was out of my budget. So I resolved to draw inspiration from it in my creation.

3. Valentine glass glitter balls. Mom gave me a box of clear Christmas ornaments to decorate. I didn't get to all of them, so I thought they'd make a nice Valentine's Day decoration in several shades of pink, red, and purple, arranged in a bowl on the dining room table. Unfortunately, I broke two as I was hanging them to dry. There are few things worse than wasting glitter.

4. I have an old, ugly bookshelf that has held my books since I can remember. Now it holds my craft supplies and a box of tissue, but it's pretty unstable and wobbles back and forth easily. I want to attach a backing to give more support and paint over the dark brown varnish to dress it up a bit, as it's still useful and carries enough memories to make me unwilling to chuck it.